7 Things A Couples Therapist Wishes You Knew About Those First Few Dates
While couples therapy was once thought to be a last-ditch effort to save a failing marriage, these days it feels like everyone is seeking professional advice on their relationship, whether they’re in a long and difficult marriage or they’re in that exciting and heady romantic stage but need a few kinks worked out. The one period we often don’t feel comfortable turning to a couples therapist, though, is in the very early stages of dating when we can feel overwhelmed by anxiety and uncertainty.
Here’s everything you need to know about those confusing signals you’re getting on the first few dates, according to couples therapist Shira Myrow, LMFT
THE FAILURE PARADOX
Implicit in the fear we have of failure is a call to action or invitation into acceptance of our limitations. But when we stuck in the shame and the negative emotions that swirl around our perception of failure, it blocks us from addressing the real questions at hand. It also blocks from getting the value out of the experience. Shira Myrow delves into the science to reveal why some of us are wired to protect ourselves from dealing with the change that failures invite us to take on.
We’ll also discover how meditation and mindfulness practice can help soften the powerful negative emotions that obscure the important questions we need to ask, questions that would help us get back into the ring to move forward with our lives.
TED Women 2018 Leadership Intensive
ALLEVIATING STRESS WITH MINDFULNESS & MEDITATION
Shira Myrow and Ashley Graber offered an in-depth look at the profound physiological and psychological effects of chronic stress. While most of us know we’re addicted to our i-phones and social media, we don’t realize how being plugged in all the time can undermine our focus and effectiveness.
While the effects of chronic stress are not going away, understanding how our brain's stress response works and implementing mindfulness tools can help us become more self aware and grounded when we need to make clear choices --despite feeling stressed. Shira Myrow and Ashely Graber will be returning again to this year’s TED Women Leadership Intensive 2019.
Charisma Quotient with Kim Seltzer
Interview With Shira Myrow: Putting The Breaks On Dating Anxiety
Kim interviews Shira Myrow, mindfulness-based marriage and family therapist about the widespread phenomena of dating anxiety and how the various symptoms can paralyze your dating life. Kim and Shira dive right into a conversation about how Shira began her work helping people develop relationship intelligence—and how important it is during every stage of relationship.
When it comes to handling anxiety in dating, you can't manufacture a spark between two people, but you can learn how to turn down the volume on your anxious thoughts. Anxiety can keep you focused on your insecurities instead of learning how to be present in the moment and authentically connect with the person in front of you.
Focus TV Network
INTERVIEW WITH SHIRA MYROW OF YALE STREET THERAPY
Ever wonder why relationship advice, as good as it is, often doesn’t stick? Shira Myrow joins Nutritionist and Wellness Expert Elissa Goodman to discuss a more holistic approach to health that is based on a more discerning approach to our relationships and the emotional skillfulness needed to help them thrive.
COURTSHIP ANARCHY: DATING IN THE DIGITAL WORLD
Is it a purple-eggplant or a row-of-hearts relationship? Do you text, Snapchat, or FB Messenger? And what context does this particular “hey” belong in? The early stages of dating and love have always been difficult to navigate. What complicates them now, says LA-based psychotherapist Shira Myrow, are the new customs of meeting online and conducting the bulk of early-dating communication via text. (Read More)
Well + Good
How To Trust Your Gut When You Struggle With Anxiety
As a society, we place tremendous importance on trusting our gut. Struggling with a big decision? Tune in to your gut. Not sure if the person you’re dating is “the one?” No worries, your gut will lead the way. While there are proven benefits of trusting gut feelings, when you’re struggling with anxiety, it’s hard to know whether your intuition is doing the talking or your anxiety. (Anyone else ever spent hours Googling symptoms, convincing yourself that you have a terminal disease, only to have the doctor break the news that it’s just a yeast infection? Or…just me?)
Is There A Way To Speed Up The Process Of Getting Over Someone?
If you’ve ever been dumped — or been the one to break up with a partner you’re still in love with — you know the feeling of wishing you could fast-forward to six months from now, when the whole thing hurts a little less and maybe you’re even dating someone new.
Mind Body Green
ARE OPEN MARRIAGES THE FUTURE OF RELATIONSHIPS?
An open relationship certainly seems alluring on the surface: sexual gratification and novelty without the harm or shame of betrayal, especially for long-term monogamous couples who are no longer sexually satisfied.
Whether you’re in a monogamous relationship or considering a consensual non-monogamous one, the inconvenient truth is that we can bring our unprocessed issues to every relationship we’re in—particularly when we feel threatened by insecurity, anxiety, possessiveness, and jealousy. While an open marriage seems like the progressive solution to the low desire problem in long term relationships, there are no guarantees that love and sex will stay neatly compartmentalized in an open one. Open relationships require careful negotiations, transparency and clear boundaries. But anyway you slice it, relationships are infinitely complex, and things can get messy. (read more)
HOW TO RAISE BOYS TO BE EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT
It’s a myth that boys are born less emotionally complex than girls. What is true, says LA-based psychotherapist Shira Myrow, is this is learned over time. We raise boys in a culture that continues to perpetuate that myth—and the result is that boys often learn to shut down their feelings earlier. “A gap in the capacity to express and articulate feelings—but also listen—profoundly affects intimate relationships,” Myrow says. “I see it every day with couples: Men come in with a huge deficit. They don’t have language for their emotions, and so they can’t decipher what their partners are trying to communicate underneath their emotional reactivity.”
Myrow works to help the men in her practice slow everything down and start at the beginning, which requires learning how to become emotionally attuned, engaged, and responsive to their partners. (Read More)
ARE YOU ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF TIME
Do you feel like you’re always running out of time or don’t have enough of it? Or perhaps you find yourself feeling perpetually distracted? Research indicates that our mind wanders more than 50% of the time during our waking moments. The level of stimulation and distractions in modern life can feel overwhelming and even fragmenting at times. And that can lead to loss of focus, mistakes, diminished productivity and difficulty making decisions. Being distracted also increases stress and anxiety.
The long term negative effects around feeling stressed out and rushed impacts everything we do– from the quality of our work to our sleep and eating habits, to the way we relate to our loved ones.(read more)
Dr. Taz Podcast
HOW TO MAKE MEANINGFUL CHANGE
Changing deeply entrenched behavioral patterns can be extremely daunting despite our sincere efforts to change. Good intentions simply don’t go very far without practices that can anchor you in your intentions. Mindfulness and meditation practice can be powerful allies in your pursuit of change and self awareness. They enable you to become present with your thoughts and feelings and sensations, in a non-judgmental, compassionate position. Once you can step back and move into more of an observer role, you can uncover the deeper roots of what prevents you from making meaningful and tangible shifts in your life.
9 RELATIONSHIP TIPS FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER THAT YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY LISTEN TO
"Owning your feelings and expressing them without self-judgment is hard to do, especially in matters of the heart," therapist Shira Myrow
Most of us go to our closest friends for relationship advice, and we tend to ignore the suggestions given to us by people older than we are who may not have experienced our current dating culture. However, sometimes, old-fashioned wisdom holds true, and relationship advice from grandma on how to make things last may be the best advice you can get. She might reference dates at the local diner or use lingo like "going steady," but embedded in these outdated dating terms are some nuggets of relationship advice you might actually want to consider. (Read More)
THE DARK SIDE OF SELF IMPROVEMENT
As a company and as people, we spend a lot of time and energy exploring ways we can be better, feel healthier, and act more consciously—a worthy endeavor, at least at the outset. But is there an internalized message in the drive to constantly self-improve—one that says we can be never be good enough?
LA-based psychotherapist Shira Myrow sees a fine line between the drive for personal growth (healthy) and what she calls unconscious self-aggression (i.e. your destructive, judgmental inner critic). She uses mindfulness-based practices to help clients come to terms with their perfectionist tendencies, and approach their personal development (be it focused on physical health, relationships, career, etc.) from a place of self-compassion and self-acceptance. (Read More)